I consider myself a Gamer. I love video games. I have a modest collection of games, to the tune of several hundred, across twelve systems. I could write comprehensive essays chronicling the evolution and lore of any number of franchises, from Final Fantasy to Metroid to R-Type. I make it my business to know what is going on in the gaming world regardless of console, manufacturer, or studio.
A few weeks ago, I sat down to play and went through my typical pre-gaming routine. I sat on the floor and looked into the bookcase that holds about half my collection, including most Nintendo platforms, a few odds and ends and my weak selection of PSP games. After about ten minutes of reading nearly every label in the case, with nothing catching my eye, I moved on to my second bookcase. Here I reviewed my collection of PS1 and PS2 games. Again, nothing inspired me to break it out and play it. Instead, I turned to my heavily used copy of Super Metroid and tried to beat my 100% item clear time. And if it had not been Super Metroid, it would have been U.N. Squadron with another attempt to beat it on Gamer Mode without dying. Or if not those two, I would have ended up playing one of the few remaining games that I play over and over and over.
Then it occurred to me: While I love video games, I simply despise playing them.
And that got me thinking.
After taking a long, hard look at my gaming, I came to a few conclusions.
1 - I, like many of the nostalgic gaming culture of the internet, grew up with the NES. As I look back at that era, I seem to recall that very few people had substantial game collections (apart from Lucas from The Wizard, of course, who knew all 96 of them). This fact, combined with extreme difficulty and the necessity of complete memorization meant that we played the shit out of those games in order to be even marginally successful. As a result I have, in essence, been brainwashed to believe that, if I want to beat a game correctly, it will take hours upon hours of dedicated playing. The perceived notion that a game will require an enormous commitment of time, added to the fact that I have so many games to even attempt to play, makes starting a new game a daunting proposition to me.
2 – I am a cranky bastard. I hate most of my games. Not for any rational reason, mind you. Rather, it is simply because they are not the games I grew up playing. There are very few games that I have picked up and played in the last ten years that I have genuinely really liked. This has nothing to do with me having a nostalgic bias to old school gaming either. I routinely pick up used NES games and, provided that I have no prior experience with the game, there is a fair chance that I will think it sucks. On the other hand, this isn’t about me having a love affair with online gaming and HD graphics. I’ve had a PS3 now for four weeks with a game that I really, really should want to play, Fallout 3. But, I haven’t even taken the dang thing out of the box. What it boils down to, is that the games I played growing up formed an integral part of my psyche. All my new games are not part of that psyche so I constantly nitpick and destroy games for even marginal weaknesses.
What I determined is that my apprehension to starting new games, or finishing those I aborted in the past, is wholly irrational. I fear the effort required to start and finish a new game, but instead pour countless hours into the same four or five games. Likewise, I hate everything mainly because they fail to have the same impact on me that the games of of my youth had.
I then made a bold move and actually made a decision. I’m going to rediscover my identity as a gamer. I’m going to give all the games I’ve never played the chance they deserve. At the same time, I think it is important to remember my roots. I also intend replay a lot of the games that I played endlessly years ago, loved, but now all they do is collect dust. I can’t promise to not be a bitter raging old man, but I want to start enjoying my games again.
I fully expect that no one will ever actually read this blog. But if you do happen upon it, you are more than welcome to come with me on my personal little odyssey.
Who knows, there may even be a few brief moments when I’m accidently funny.
No comments:
Post a Comment