Just Beat: Final Fantasy III

No, not that one...

A long time ago, during my fan-boy phase of Final Fantasy, I was one of the early members of a now all but defunct website known as FFO.  In those early years, FFO was alive and abuzz with activity.  Each game had a forum that had numerous posters all sharing their respective knowledge, posing challenges, asking questions, and in general getting into the minutia of each game in the series.  I haven’t visited the site in years and when I left, I was one of the last few lurkers (having long given up posting).  

Despite the massive scope of each game in the Final Fantasy series, a point was reached where pretty everything had been said.  Every item, every minor secret, every npc, every aspect of the games had been pretty adequately covered throughout the 6 or 7 year that FFO was active.  And, like many of the forum based sites that were started in the late-90s and early 00s, the forums ultimately devolved into threads with titles like: ‘hottest video game girl!!!!’ and ‘sexy cosplay pics!’

However, one game in the series was all but ignored or forgotten.  Final Fantasy III had not been discussed with painful attention to the most minute detail.  With the start of Square’s re-release craze on the PS1, the west was finally given Final Fantasies II and V.  But, Final Fantasy III never saw a PS1, Game Boy Advance, or other random system re-release.  Whenever FFIII was discussed on the forums, it was spoken about reverently, adored by the few people who had gone through the extreme effort to either import it, or suffer through the game not being able to read Japanese.

To those who played it, it was universally considered as one of the series’ best.  It was praised for giving Final Fantasy its identity and being the stepping-off point for the franchise greats.

With FFIV, V, and VI all receiving Game Boy Advance, we had hoped that FFIII was right around the corner.  We had quite a wait:  Final Fantasy III didn’t see a US release until 2008 on the Nintendo DS.  And you know what?

It sucks.

At least the cover is more exciting than the game...

I remember buying FFIII immediately on its release.  I got about 20 hrs in (about the 80% mark) and just… just stopped playing.  FF III is boring. 

Well, I finally picked the game back up, started over from scratch, got about 20 hrs in... and almost nearly quit a second time due to shear boredom.  But this time I persevered, not wanting to play that same 20 hours for a third time.

It’s hard to put my finger on why FFIII is so underwhelming.  I accept that it has quite a bit to live up to in my mind, given all the praise from the online community and being the last of the ‘golden era’ of Final Fantasy games to make it across the Pacific (apparently by Kayak considering how long it took).  But, I don’t think that this is a case of not living up to expectations.

 

Having spent considerable time dwelling on this, please accept the following reasons for why FFIII is just plain boring:

      

      1.  It’s flat out easy.  Until the final dungeon, I was never stuck, never got my ass handed to me by some brutal boss fight, never had to work to make progress (with one minor exception, but we’ll get to that later).  The game never deviated from a ‘get item or thing, talk to someone, go into cave to get new item or thing, talk to someone else’ process and took exactly zero brain power to advance.

2.  The job system is dull and lifeless:  For the first time in a Final Fantasy game, each character could be switched between the sixteen or so available job types.  However, the system (while maybe innovative at the time) is so basic that it encourages stagnation.  One of my characters was a White Mage for almost the entirety of the game, another a Dragoon, and another a Dark Knight.  The narrative tries to advise you to alter job types at certain points by dropping hints that a certain boss is vulnerable to a certain job class.  But, in reality this feels more like the game is trying to trick you into altering your job types, as it is fairly easy to breeze through those same bosses with your party unchanged.

To add to the blandness, three of the last ‘most powerful’ job types unlocked are just upgraded versions of the White, Black, and Red Mages that can use the highest level of spells.  So essentially, they aren’t really anything new at all.

Finally, nothing earned from leveling up a job type carries over when a character is switched to a different job.  I really wanted some form of customization to upgrade one job type with attributes from another.  Had this singular item been incorporated, it likely would have changed my entire view of the game.

3.  The characters have no feet.  Seriously, check it out… No feet…

Yarr, we be Pirates, walkin' on ar peglegs!

      4.  The fact that it was a complete remake.  I really wish that the game had been presented in a similar fashion to the Game Boy Advanced versions of FFIV, V, and VI, essentially the same game with some very minor and cursory graphical upgrades.  Instead, by completely remaking the game with shitty 3-D… I mean modern… graphics, it creates an expectation that the gameplay, story, and mechanics are also modern.

      There are a few aspects that I liked.  

      1.  Some of the job classes were creative and I wish they had carried over to the other job-based Final Fantasies (V, Tactics, etc).  It would have been cool to see some of the more unusual jobs expanded on in later games.

2.  The easiness of the game vanishes in the Final Dungeon and there is a pretty steep learning curve.  I very much enjoyed that the four sub-bosses prior to the final boss pose legitimate challenges and are optional.  The final boss’ difficulty decreases with the defeat of each sub-boss, which is a cool little feature that is pretty novel.  The end boss herself was fairly difficult, and with no save feature within the Final Dungeon, defeat meant losing all progress, items, and exp gained throughout the dungeon. 

       This type of difficulty has long since vanished in modern games due to the over-abundance of checkpoints and respawns.

It is really a shame that Final Fantasy III wasn’t just a bit more engaging.  I could see a whole series of challenges players could undertake to test their gaming skill:  an all-Scholar party, for example.  Unfortunately, the lackluster presentation, uninteresting plot, and mysterious absence of everyone’s feet, precludes any replayability whatsoever. 

Just Beat: Batman

Actually, that’s not entirely accurate.  See, back in the good old NES days, all movie tie-in, or license games, were titled in the same format.  It would be the franchise name followed by ‘The Video Game.’  Apparently, late-1980’s consumers were so stupid, they might get confused as to whether they were buying their favorite movie, the comic book, the videogame, or the flamethrower.  

Spaceballs the flamethrower!  The kids love this one.

Consequently, it was necessary to add ‘The Video Game’ to every license game under the sun.  So, to amend my title:

Just Beat: Batman: The Video Game

Batman (The Video Game) for the NES is really notable for two things: ball crushing difficulty and being freaking awesome.  Both are true and both have some weird inconsistencies.

As far as difficulty goes, it is very hard.  However, once you learn how to clear an area or beat a boss, those sections become fairly easy on later playthroughs.  Add that to the generous inclusion of unlimited continues, and you will soon be breezing through the game to get to the last level, which remains fairly difficult due to some very tricky jumps which are nearly guaranteed to result in damage (only about 5% of the time can I make it through damage free).

Then there’s the Joker.  Somehow, he has managed to grow to about twice your size and has gained the power to summon lightning.  He also has a gun that will take almost half your entire life.  This is a pretty hard fight. I was counting how many times I fought him, but lost track somewhere in the high twenties. 

Fortunately Batman has several weapons at his disposal and are identified via a picture in the top left of the screen.

First, is the ever so iconic Batarang.

Then, is a missile shooting gun, which is odd given Batman’s canonical refusal to use guns.

Next, Batman can choose to use a three way shuriken.

And finally, the most potent weapon of all: Batman?

That’s right.  Most of the game you just run through Batman-ing everyone, usually right in the face!  (Yeah, it’s really just punching, but giving someone a fierce Batman to the balls is really way more satisfying than just punching them.)

Apart from the difficulty, the game is known for being awesome.  Seriously, the graphics are amazing, especially for an early NES title.  Likewise, the music is sweet!  Granted it has more of a Mega Man vibe than a Batman feel to it, but sounding like Mega Man music is pretty high praise.   

Oh, and the ending is freaking awesome!  I don’t want to spoil it, but since the game is more than twenty years old I will – Batman flat out murders the Joker.  Seriously!  He throws the Joker off the top of some huge skyscraper.  The game ends with a birds-eye view of the Joker smashed into the sidewalk!  Now that is rated M for mature!

Give my regards to the ground!

However, there is one glaring issue with Batman (The Video Game).  Who the hell makes the Select button pause the game, while the Start button cycles through your weaponry?!  I can’t even guess at the number of times I would pause the game to check my phone or get a pizza out of the oven, only to realize that I didn’t pause the game, but instead switch from Batman to Batarang.  Pure bullshit.

Just Beat: The Legend of Zelda

Confession time.

I’m just going to come clean. 

I’m not a Zelda fan.  

I have no issue with the series, and the games from it that I play I generally like, I’m just not a fan.  I recognize that the franchise is a long and storied one that has had significant impact on both the video game community and industry.  I also acknowledge that the Zelda games (with the exception of the odd Philips CDi ones) are all viewed very favorably. 

Let's just forget this ever happened...

It’s just… I don’t know… I don’t dislike Zelda… It’s more that I never caught the fever.

See, growing up, I wasn’t allowed to own any sort of game system.  So, I was limited in my exposure to the NES library by what games my friends owned or rented.  I fondly remember playing Mario and Mario 3 at John’s house after freezing our asses off building snow forts in his front yard.  I remember my life forever changing the first time I tried (and failed miserably) to play Metroid at my cousin’s house – I even remember that she told me of the rumored ‘Justin Bailey’ code, but couldn’t get it to work because she kept entering it as ‘Justin Bates’.  

Spoiler Alert:  Doesn't do anything

Contra, Bubble Bobble, TMNT, Mega Man, Gradius - nearly every NES game that has since achieved ‘classic’ status holds at least a passing flash of nostalgia in my childhood memory banks. 

Every game, that is, except The Legend of Zelda.

I mean, I knew it existed.  I very vaguely remember seeing it once or twice, maybe on TV or in a store, but nothing that stands out.  I think the issue is that once I started getting consoles and owning my own games, I had already formed my nostalgia-based opinions of the oh-so-wonderful NES early years.  And, unfortunately, I missed the boat when it came to Zelda.

Having finally sat down to play it, my honest reaction is one of casual ambivalence.  However, looking back, I can say that I understand why the Legend of Zelda made such an impact.

Many of the games that began long-standing franchises did so, I believe, because they gave the player such an immense sense of accomplishment.  Metroid, Final Fantasy, Zelda – all had an element of the unknown, of starting an adventure completely lost, with no idea of what to do or where to go.  It was up to the player to take those first tentative steps and start exploring and when the player beat a dungeon or found a new item, it was a direct result of the player’s own work.  Whether it was through memorizing or drawing maps, lengthy trial and error process, continually getting lost, or through pure force of will; it was the player that won the day.  

These games were not easy.  There were no checkpoints, limited save locations (or horrendous password systems), primitive to non-existent maps, no indication of what items actually did, no internet to provide guides, and only questionable Nintendo Power articles and playground rumors to help you along your way.  Oh… and we were SIX YEARS OLD!  

Either the world is a gray rectangle, or that's one shitty map.

That’s why we asked to borrow our parent’s camera to take a blurry picture of the final end screen when we succeeded.  We had undergone a long grueling ordeal that tasked us beyond our physical and mental limits.  We were damn right to be proud.  We just beat the game.

When I play the Legend of Zelda today, I have all the requisite knowledge of every other Zelda game I have ever played.  I have years of experience and a finely tuned intuition of where to look for secrets and how to handle dungeons and bosses.  Additionally, there are things that I just flat out know.  I knew where to bomb to open up Gannon’s Lair.  I knew to try and go into the waterfall with the raft.  I knew where to look for hearts, to burn bushes in weird spots, to play the flute at the empty pond, to…

The point is, The Legend of Zelda posed very little in the way of challenge to me now; and as a result, beating it really didn’t have much of an impact on me.  However, had six-year old Steke beaten this game (along with the rest of humanity) when it first came out, my reaction wouldn’t be an ambivalent ‘oh yeah, The Legend of Zelda… it’s pretty good,’ but rather, ‘IT’S THE MOTHER F*CKING LEGEND OF ZELDA, SON!’

Just Beat: New Super Mario Bros. Wii

My fellow gamers, I wish I had an excuse for my lack of activity on this esteemed publication that follows my path to gaming glory. The truth is that I have been… uh… distracted; distracted by life (which has been pretty treating me pretty awesome, I might add).

This does not mean that I haven’t been playing anything. I have beaten a couple of games and been playing another few pretty extensively. The two games I have beaten deserve more than just a quick gloss over, so each will (hopefully) get a full and equal treatment, so without further wasted words:

New Super Mario Bros Wii

Let me tell you what I remember.

I remember that a majority of my childhood was spent playing Super Mario Bros 3.

I also remember that SMB3 is easily on of my top ten games of all time. It's damn near the closest thing to perfection from the 8-bit era.

Given that New Super Mario Bros Wii is directly inspired by SMB3, I suppose I was the target audience. Additionally, the nostalgia that sold me the game might also be responsible for my reaction: I freaking love New Super Mario Bros Wii! (NSMBW? how is it the acronym is almost more cumbersome than the actual title?)

Here’s what I liked:

1) Classic Approach: SMB3 changed the Mario paradigm by not simply advancing the player level by level, but incorporating a sort of overworld. This allowed a player to choose their path, route around difficult levels, and find secrets and bonuses. NSMBW returned to this style, complete with Mushroom houses, bonuses, hidden paths, and varying routes.

2) Play Style: This is traditional Mario play style with innovative, creative, and flat out entertaining side scrolling levels. Simply put, I really enjoyed almost all the levels. Each was unique and reflected the respective theme of the world in which it was located. Additionally, there was plenty of familiar enemies and terrain, but each level also contained a healthy mix of new and just plain cool stuff. The best example of cool new shit is in World 8, the new lava and volcano based hazards are crazy… crazy awesome!

3) Airships: In the first world, I was a bit disappointed that it ended simply with a castle and lacked an airship battle, like in SMB3. However, this only made my excitement even greater when I discovered there were indeed airship levels (and they even had a sweet updated version of the original music)!

4) The Final Battle: I’m not going to spoil this one. If you’ve played it: you know what I’m talking about. I’ll simply say, I did not see that coming and it was Awesome!

5) Challenge: The game rewards you for finding all the star coins in each level and beating all the levels. The difficulty in accomplishing this varies on the level and your own personal standards. For the more difficult locations for star coins and secret levels, one can usually go to the Mushroom Kingdom Palace and watch one of the many hint videos, which are less like hints and more like flat out cheating. However, if you resist the urge to head to the videos for a coin you can’t find, the feeling of accomplishment can be very satisfying.

While I thoroughly enjoyed NSMBW, I did find some flaws in the game. Here’s what I didn’t like:

1) Challenge: NSMBW is easy. I mean really easy. I accumulated 99 lives by World 3 without even trying. Only a few levels in the game actually pose some sort of challenge, and those are mainly the bonus levels in World 9 (and of those... 9-7 is flat out brutal). But, the rest of the game is a relative cake walk. I don’t like how a vast majority of the challenge in NSMBW is wrapped up in the collection of star coins or finding the secret levels.

9-7, the exception to the 'too easy' complaint...

2) Power Ups: Most of the power-ups in NSMBW just plain suck. The propeller cap is so powerful it reduces 95% of all the levels to all kinds of easy. Meanwhile, the remaining power-ups are only useful for the specific areas for which they were designed. All I really want is a Racoon or Tanooki Suit and a Hammer Brothers Suit. Is that too much to ask? Oh, I would also have really liked to see a level or two sporting a goomba shoe. I loved that thing…

Oh, it's on now!

3) Multiplayer: Nintendo billed the four-player aspect of NSMBW as the primary feature, and honestly, it sucks. First, the mechanics of multiplayer just don’t seem… right. The way the characters interact and react to hitting each other seems way too loose and over exaggerated. I suppose if a dedicated group of people spent a ton of time planning and practicing, the result would be in some truly epic youtube videos. But, if you simply want to sit down and have some fun with friends for a few hours, go play Mortal Kombat or something.

4) Multiplayer, Again: Why am I stuck with Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Another Toad!? Seriously. With the massive wealth of characters available to choose from, why are we stuck with the lamest three choices in the entire Mario universe? Remember how Mario 2 sucked? Yeah, well at least they had four characters to choose from, each of which had a unique trait that distinguished them from the others. Why didn’t NSMBW follow that model? And don’t tell me it would ‘unbalance’ the game. This isn’t competitive, professional gaming. This isn’t Starcraft or Marvel vs Capcom, this is Mario. It’s already insanely easy, why not spice it up. Let me play as Peach. Yes, I know the point is to rescue Peach, but gloss that over with some convenient explanation and put her in the game. Or Daisy. Or, hell, let me play as Bowser. Or Yoshi. That would be interesting: Player One as Mario, Player Two as Yoshi. That could lead to some pretty inovative cooperation. At least make some of these characters unlockable. How about instead of getting gold stars (or even the glowing gold stars for doing a super good job…) for beating all the levels and getting star coins you get additional characters? That could be fun. The point is that Nintendo phoned in Multiplayer in virtually every respect. It sucks and I really don’t think I’ll ever play it again.

However, despite the flaws in NSMBW, I loved it. It was enough nostalgia mixed with some really awesome levels with creative and fun platforming. Yes, it wasn’t a big challenge. But it was a blast to play and kept my attention long enough to completely play through it twice in a row. And in my book, that’s the biggest complement a game can get.

Current State of the Steke:

Games Owned: 305
Games Finished: 121
Percentage: 39.7%
Progress to Date: Embarrassing

State of the Steke Address

My fellow gamers, first I would like to thank the two of you for reading this web-zone. Your patriotism to Steke the Geek is admirable, although likely misplaced. I am deeply regretful of my inability to post anything for the past quarter of a year. One of you may believe that it was a result of how bad Super Mario Bros 2 is. While the craptasticness of that poor excuse of a Mario game may have crushed a weaker gamer’s soul, rest assured that I survived and have moved on to better things.

It turns out that deciding, on a whim, to go back to college is taking a bit more of my time than I anticipated. As a result, gaming for this fiscal quarter has been down. However, some slight progress was made. So, let’s get to it! To save some time, we’re going into the Rapid-Fire Bonus Round!

Round 1: Soldner X and Soldner X-2

A long time ago there were these awesome games that we used to call shooters. This was before the host of crappy military/space-marine first person shooters stole that name for their own. No, this was when the 2-D, side-scrolling space shooter held the title. Unfortunately, this genre is all but dead. Occasionally, a new 2-D shooter crops up, but they are few and far between. And the ones we do get are all too often eastern bullet-hell imports that are essentially impossibly unless you happed to by Jimmy from The Wizard or Japanese.

Bullet Hell: I'd last 3 to 4 seconds; Japanese schoolgirls last 45 minutes, playing one handed while talking on their cell phones

Fortunately, for us non-Japanese, non-savant gamers, we’ve been given Solder X and its brilliantly named sequel Soldner X-2. Since this is the Rapid-Fire Bonus Round (RFBR?), here’s the quick and dirty:

A) These games are awesome
B) Yeah, they’ve got some glitches, but nothing you can’t overlook as they are independently produced games for dirt cheap.
C) The gameplay mechanic has greater depth than ‘just hold down the fire button,’ which leads to a surprising amount of strategy and requires a little bit of forethought
D) Soldner X-2 is a game with ‘X-2’ in the title that I actually want to play

And one I do NOT want to play

E) They are graphically stunning, with lots of pretty colors
F) The Challenge Mode in X-2 is addictive, time consuming, and tons of fun
G) Did I mention these games are awesome?

Yeah, so I liked them.

Round 2: Vanquish

For some reason, Vanquish appealed to me when I saw the initial previews. It completely isn’t my type of game: third person shooter, standard cover mechanic, Gears of War clone in a Halo type setting. It’s all very, um, average. It wasn’t necessarily bad and I had fun… it was just rather unremarkable. The only thing that sort of sets it apart from the other bajillion games just like it is the suit mechanic. Your suit has several unique features that can greatly aid you in battle. Most notably is the ability to go into matrix style bullet time, which actually allows me to aim somewhat effectively (because otherwise, I can’t hit shit). A futuristic action game with a bad-ass protagonist in an awesome suit? Yeah that reminds me of something else I would rather play…

Hint: It starts with 'M' and ends with 'etroid'

Round 3: Muramasa: The Demon Blade

I love Muramasa. Everything about this game oozes style. The beautiful watercolor style graphics, the distinctly Japanese character and level design, the sub-titled and not-dubbed over Japanese voice acting; everything adds to an overall world in which the player can truly become lost.

Style...

There are two different story arcs to play through each with unique main characters and sets of weaponry. This adds a nice bit of replayability, but beyond an additional difficulty level unlocked upon beating the game and optional Monster Lair battles, there isn't a lot gameplay-wise to bring a player back. What will bring me back for future playthroughs is the presentation. Yeah, the game is fun, but the shear awesomeness of the game's style creates an overall experience that makes me want to replay it.

Even More Style...

Round 4: Mortal Kombat

One reviewer of Mortal Kombat mentioned that no one seems to be able to review the game without reflecting on their own personal history with the series. I don’t think I can break that pattern. I essentially grew up playing MK 1 through 3. I followed the mythology and read the strategy guides. I loved the series and that affair culminated with MK3. Patrick Curtis and I used to rage against each other in MK 3 on his Sega Genesis all those years ago. Smoke and Sub-Zero were our main guys and we would go head to head for hours.

While the past-Steke I just described is who this game is made for, the true genius behind Mortal Kombat is how accessible it is for newcomers. MK virgins don’t have to worry about not knowing the moves: in-game tutorials; the availability of move lists in the pause menu; and the switching of primary characters in the story and challenge modes all combine to give a comprehensive introduction to the game mechanics. Additionally, the story mode (in a fighting game!? and it's actually good!?) cleverly retells the story arc of MK 1 through 3. This eliminates the burden of trying to understand the increasingly convoluted mess that became of the MK storyline through the later games. For us old-schoolers, the new story has plenty of nods and connections to the previous games, which makes me very happy.

Soooooo Awesome!

The total package for Mortal Kombat is incredible. The story mode is challenging and takes maybe ten or so hours to beat, there is standard arcade ladders (like traditional fighting games), 2v2 matches are now included (and implemented very well, not just a throwaway add-in), the challenge mode is a 200 level tower with a ton of variety, there are numerous unlockables (of which most are worthless, except for the alternate costumes and additional fatalities), and the online component is implemented better than every other fighting game I’ve played.

So, I guess you could say I liked it.

And that brings us to the end of the Rapid-Fire Bonus Round. Some good games have been played, and all of them way better than Mario 2. I suppose that my faith in humanity has been somewhat restored.

State of the Steke:

From now on, I’d like to finish every gaming post with the State of the Steke. This is just a quick breakdown of my games owned to games beaten. After all, the whole point of this (pointless) blog is for it to track the journey through my very substantial backlog of games.

Games Owned: 303
Games Finished: 120
Percentage: 39.6%
Progress to Date: Abysmal

Just Beat: Mario 2

This game sucks and I hate it. End of story.

Well, to be fair, there are exactly three awesome things about this game.

1. The underground music is awesome.

2. The end boss music is awesome.

3. The fact that I never have to play this game again is awesome.

Housekeeping

Wow, has it been a while.

Last time I posted was a long time ago, when I was mired in a tough, crap-I-took-too-many-credits semester of school. School has been out now for about a half a month and no longer is eating up tons of my time. So why haven’t I posted? I’ve been playing video games and it was glorious!

Well, I just beat Valkyria Chronicles (for the second time) and newsflash: it’s not pretty awesome; it’s freaking awesome.

I love this game. That’s pretty much all there is to it. I haven’t restarted a game immediately after beating it since… maybe R-Type Final? And before that it was Metroid Prime.

The point is, I usually have a hard time playing through a game again immediately after beating it because I get burned out. It took a lot of effort to get to the end and starting over usually seems a bit daunting.

But not with Valkyria Chronicles. I didn’t even wait until the next day. I beat it, watched the ending, saw that there was an option for a new game plus, and started playing immediately.

I’m not going to rave about why I love this game so much. Just know that Valkyria Chronicles jumped the charts directly into my top ten of all time and that’s some pretty tough competition.

I also recently joined the rest of the population of the Universe and bought a Wii. I’ve been collecting the few Wii games that look good over the past few years as they’ve come out and, with a temporary price cut on the Wii at Target, I decided it was time to finally get the hardware required to play those games.

So, I just beat Metroid: Other M. Given the almost universal negative reviews of Other M, I was set to get through the game hating it and surviving on stubbornness alone. Apparently, I got a different copy of Other M than the reviewers, because the game I played was pretty darn good.

Many of the reviews did, justifiably, comment on the jaw-dropping graphics, superb music, and (mostly) competent game control. All of this is very true and adds together to result in a very satisfying game-play experience.

The reviews had me prepared for prolific cut scenes and pervasive melodramatic narration throughout the game. I found the narration and cut scenes pretty benign, however. Yeah Samus does come off a bit more emotional than I would have expected, but for the most part, she was neither the ‘chatty Cathy’ that one reviewer called her, nor an emotional wreck constantly worried of what Adam would think. I honestly felt, and this isn’t a fan boy talking here, that Samus reacted to the situation pretty much how anyone would.

There is one exception, however, and this is the fan boy talking here. Samus froze when first confronting her longtime nemesis, Ridley. This was out of character. In the heat of battle, Samus doesn’t really strike me as someone who would be frozen with fear. Seriously, this is the same girl who has fought off the Mother Brain’s minions twice AND single-handedly infiltrated the Metroid homeworld and eradicated the entire species. She’s fought some pretty serious battles, seeing Ridley again (well for a third and not-the-last time) shouldn’t stop her in her tracks.

Despite this mis-characterization and the standard ‘made in Japan cheesy bizarreness’ Other M is solid. Does it top Super Metroid? Uh, no. But, it’s better than Prime 2, Fusion, and obviously way better than Hunters.

I likey.

Just Beat: Final Fantasy XIII

In middle school, I borrowed Final Fantasy VI from Ryan Bristol, and fell head over heals in love with it.

Doesn't Count.

For the next few years, I played it constantly. Having entered the Final Fantasy scene a bit late, VI was the only game of the franchise I was able to get my hands on (well, except for FF Legends and Mystic Quest, but those don’t really count). Consequently, when I discovered that Final Fantasy VII was coming out for the PS1, I had my first chance to play a sequel to one of my favorite games.

Realize that I had never played another Final Fantasy and didn’t understand that each of the games was wholly unique. My view of sequels was based on growing up in the 8 and 16-bit areas when a sequel was nothing more than better levels, cooler power-ups, maybe a bit more story. To us, sequels like Mario 3, Super Metroid, Mega Man II+, and A Link to the Past, where the same game we fell in love with, just with more awesome.

And yes, there were sequels that didn’t fit this mold. Mario 2 and The Adventure of Link were drastically different than their originals. But in the gaming circle I grew up in, these games were universally shunned for not being what I described above.

Anyway, my point is, I expected that Final Fantasy VII would simply be a larger, more awesome, evolution of VI.

Instead, Final Fantasy VII completely blew my mind. It was not my SNES Final Fantasy. Sure, there were nods to previous games. The names, items, and spells were similar, but this merely created a Final Fantasy atmosphere, more than anything else. It was neither a continuation of the story, nor a simple evolution of the previous game. Final Fantasy VII was something entirely unique.

Let me (finally) get to the point.

At the start of Final Fantasy VII, you are confined to a relatively linear and restrictive setting and plot. The story takes you from one point to the next, with no possibility to break from the point A to B map sections that link the various plot locations. The setting is a mega city named Midgar and is powered by eight huge Mako reactors. Right off the bat, you destroy one of those reactors and soon thereafter take out a second.

Given the story makes it absolutely clear that there are eight such reactors, I naively assumed the rest of the game would center on the destruction of the remaining six. Although I really do enjoy this part of the game, my first time through, I missed the exploration component inherent in an expansive overworld, like the one I experienced in FF VI.

FF VII disappointed me by removing one of the primary tenants of Final Fantasy that I found really attractive: the freedom to roam the world and explore regions that may or may not take me to the next objective. I loved being able to see what would happen if I went to a town that didn’t enter into the story until much later, or go to some remote location to find items significantly more powerful than my current stock.

So, imagine my disappointment, when I thought that Midgar was the entirety of my world in FFVII. Then imagine my undeniable awe in discovering that; after hours confined in a restrictive, dark, and imposing city; I emerged onto a sunny and expansive overworld.

‘Holy Balls! This game is effing huge!’ I said (well something along those lines).

Holy Balls! That sword is effing huge!

Okay, so why do I tell this long-winded, meandering, and mostly useless story? Well, the last time I posted about Final Fantasy XIII, I had just landed on the lower world of Pulse. I had given a fairly glowing report of the game to this point; contrary to the nearly universal distaste for the game. Understand that I had just played 20 to 30 hours of a completely linear (and somewhat enjoyable) game and had finally gained access to Pulse. An entire planet awaited my exploration.

I was thrilled at the possibilities Pulse offered. I had spent hours witnessing the fear Cocoon’s citizens had of a Pulse invasion. During my time on Cocoon, I was constantly ostracized and pursued. As something called a ‘Pulse L’cie,’ my party was tasked by meddling god-like beings known as Fal’cie with the utter destruction of Cocoon. Despite rejecting this tasking, Cocoon’s populace, justifiably, wanted my party dead. Having finally fled Cocoon, I was convinced that, during my exploration of Pulse, I would see the other side of the story.

I imagined a host of possibilities, each having sprawling ramifications on the story. Maybe the citizens of Pulse would welcome my party as saviors because of their status as Pulse L’cie? Or on the other hand, maybe Lighting and her friends would be hunted down for swearing off their mission to destroy Cocoon? Do the citizens of Pulse even reciprocate Cocoon’s fear, hatred, and distrust? Do the citizens of Pulse even know Cocoon believes the two worlds are still at war? Perhaps Cocoon is the true evil power and has been subjugated Pulse since the previous war? Maybe there is a true Cold War and arms race brewing between the two worlds and my party is sending both of them dangerously close to an all out apocalyptic war?

I was eager to get this side of the story. The possibilities were limitless.

With the planet of Pulse awaiting my exploration, I felt the same as when I first stepped outside Midgar and had to shield my eyes from the bright sunlight. I couldn’t wait to see where exploration and the story took me.

My enthusiasm was quickly and brutally crushed. I learned that there were no cities, no people, no war, and definitely no world to explore. Yeah, I know: spoiler alert. Deal with it.

That’s right, after finally ‘opening up,’ there is jack shit to do. Pulse is a world of several huge areas linked together and populated by a bunch of monsters. That’s it. End of story. Oh sure, you can take on the different sidequest hunts, but these are relatively boring, and apart from unlocking some log entries, truly don’t contribute to much.

Even Vanille is shocked at how lame Pulse is.

Pulse should have been the real meat of the game, where player driven exploration could have resulted in an astonishing amount of depth. Instead, it’s merely a brief diversion before the game’s final conclusion.

If Pulse is where my enthusiasm ended, then my return to Cocoon was where it turned to outright hostility. Usually, I don’t complain (much) if the story component of a game is weak. I truly value gameplay, pretty graphics, and awesome music more than the story. Perhaps I’ve just come to terms with the fact that video game stories mostly suck, but FFXIII crosses the proverbial line.

(I suppose Spoilers are ahead, but they don’t make much sense anyway, so it really doesn’t matter).

Upon returning to Cocoon, I discovered Cid had been appointed Prime Minister (or Chancellor, or whatever). This made little to no sense for several reasons. First, I had already killed Cid. I watched him die. Granted he turned to crystal and, I suppose a Fal’cie could bring him back, but it still seemed sudden and contrived. Second, Cid’s appointment was designed to destabilize Cocoon and essentially lead to civil war.

Um, What?

How does that work?

I understand that Cid and his cavalry were fighting against Fal’cie dominance over Cocoon, but wouldn’t his followers be happy that he was made Prime Minister? I understand that his position only put him under closer scrutiny from the Fal’cie, but I feel that from this position, he could orchestrate large, sweeping changes that could unify the people and eventually cast down or mitigate the Fal’cie.

Then, in the midst of this confusing plot revelation, I witnessed the most ridiculous cutscene and ‘plot development’ ever conceived of by man.

Cid gives an inaugural address where he promises to keep Cocoon safe and blah, blah, blah. He then shows his resolve. Much like a nation that is under the constant threat of invasion, he holds a military demonstration to showcase the strength and might of Cocoon’s armed forces, and…

Wait.

He doesn’t do that.

He holds a motorcycle race.

I’ll let that sink in.

A motorcycle race. That’s like holding a Nascar race in Washington DC after a newly appointed President makes his inaugural address.

Nascar: how the U.S. won the Cold War.

Then your party comes crashing into said motorcycle race and activates their respective eidolons and start wrecking shop. Then Pulse attacks… I think. Well, a bunch of monsters from Pulse start roaming around. And, I guess this started a civil war? Hell, I don’t know. This ended it for me. I had no idea what was going on, and just pushed onward to beat the game.

What the hell happened? In the last eighth of the game, I completely reversed from ‘having a blast playing it’ to ‘screw this shit, let’s just get it over with.’

Ugh.

Having said that, I still rank Final Fantasy XIII as a game I’d play again. Someday. In the far, far, future. It has some challenging bosses, mainly due to the imposed ‘limit caps.’ Likewise, I enjoyed the (controversial) battle system. I really, really liked the music (except about four exceptions, which I hated). And, for the first time in a long, long time, I actually like the main character, Lightning. Hell, even Hope and Vanille, who I started out despising, grew on me (a little). On the one hand, FFXIII is good enough to warrant another playthrough someday. Yeah, someday when the only games left are casual Kinect and Move games that I stubbornly will not play, and I’ve gone through the majority of my backlog. Yeah, I might replay it again. However, on the other hand, it’s definitely not good enough for me to really recommend to anyone.