Currently Playing: BioShock

Late last night, after installing what seemed like an hour worth of updates to my PS3, I decided to fire up BioShock.


Everything I have heard, seen, read, or imagined about this game indicates that it has what it takes to be an instant classic for me. Dystopian Science Fiction is probably my favorite sub-genre in all of fiction. I love the inherent mystery of a society that has risen to greatness only to fall for some unknown reason. Additionally, I find Ayn Rand’s ideas of objectivism fascinating, albeit fundamentally flawed. Lastly, I love the style of the mid-50s: the architecture, cars, propaganda type posters, the suits. It’s all just so freaking cool.

Unfortunately, I have one huge problem with BioShock.

It’s a First Person Shooter.

And, I am the King of Suck when it comes to First Person Shooters

This depressing fact, by itself, is the reason I don’t own a 360, which thrives on its ever growing staple of fantastic FPS’s. Of my fairly sizeable gaming collection, I own maybe 10 games that could be classified as First Person Shooters – and three of those are the Metroid Prime series. (In contrast, I stopped counting how many RPGs I own once I hit 100).

Do you remember way back in the 80s, when people first played Super Mario Bros? Remember how the kids who didn’t own an NES (me) would jerk the controller up when trying to jump, or would lean their entire body to the right in an attempt to get Mario over a pit by shear force of will?

Yeah, remember that guy?

Well, I’m still that guy when it comes to FPS’s. Let’s say I’m playing an FPS and am currently hiding behind a corner. Because I (justifiably) doubt my skills to charge into the next room and quickly target the dude camping there waiting to blow my head off, I instead want to take a quick peek and maybe get some intel on the approximate location of my future executioner. But instead of strafing out, taking a look around, then returning to cover, I’m sitting in my living room, craning my neck to try and see around the corner.

3d Gaming at its finest

Sorry, noob, it doesn’t quite work that way. Maybe it will with the new 3DS, but as for now, I just look like an idiot. To be honest, even with a new fangled 3D system, I’d still look like an idiot.

Additionally, I get pretty bad headaches from playing almost all First Person and most Third Person games. Either my brain isn’t keen on being tricked into thinking it is in a 3-D environment or I’m susceptible to some sort of motion sickness. However, seeing that I spent nearly 3 years serving on probably the least stable ship in the entire United States Navy and never got seasick once, I think the former is most likely the case.

I’m not happy about this flaw in my character. I would love to be able to go on XBox Live and go toe to toe with the gaming world in Modern Warfare 2. But, the reality is that I wouldn’t make it more than five steps without learning where one of the respawn points is.

I do intend to finish BioShock and I promise not to let my lack of skill color my view of this game. It just may take me a few lives (read: hundreds) and a long, looooong, time.

Just Beat: Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Obviously, I’m a little late to the party. Back in 1997, I was too busy being a Final Fantasy fanboy to notice that there were other really good games out for the PS1. Additionally, my memories of the 8 and 16 bit Castlevania were pretty much non-existent. Spending the first 11 years of my life console-less, I relied heavily on my friends and the games they either owned or rented to introduce me to new titles and franchises. Apparently, my friends lacked gaming awesomeness because they never rented any of the Castlevania games. Consequently, when SotN hit store shelves, it didn't even come close to registering on my radar. On the other hand, had someone mentioned the term ‘Metroidvania,’ I probably would have bought it in a heartbeat, because of my unquestioning loyalty to Metroid and anything even remotely resembling it.


Since I just discovered what the rest of the universe has known for over a decade (that this game kicks serious ass), I will refrain from spending too much time describing just how it goes about kicking that much ass. Most everything about this game hits the sweet spot for me: nonlinear design, gorgeous in-game graphics, awesome music, and incredible depth of play. Without a doubt, Symphony of the Night is the newest inductee into my personal Video Game Hall of Fame.
However, I do have one mild concern. Towards the end, I’d made it through the entire castle and saved one last time before heading to the final boss. Charging in, I expected a difficult battle ahead of me; but I beat Richter without so much as breaking a sweat.

Exit Richter. End of story. Crappy final credits song.

Wait, what? That's it? That was anti-climactic.

Konami created this awesome and involving world and then just cut it off? That’s weird. I figured that there would be a little more meat to the finale. Also, when Death stole all my equipment at the beginning, didn't he mumble something about 'seeing me again?' What is he, an optional boss or something?

Truncated ending aside, the game was still awesome. So much so, that I might as well go back to my final save and explore a bit more, maybe find some of the relics and items that I missed.

Hey, here's an area that I never found. Oh, and armor that breaks spikes, awesome! Wasn't there a room off the chapel with a bunch of spikes? Sure enough, and Maria is hanging out there with a Silver Ring.

How Maria got in a room that is at the dead end of a long hallway of spikes, that also includes a door that only Mist can pass through, and another door for which I alone have the key is another matter entirely, but I digress.

Anyway, back to the Silver Ring. The item description mentions, 'In...Tower...' Okay Konami, I'm not an idiot (for the most part), I know how to use these rings. Oh, and Maria is waiting for me in another completely inaccessible area. And this time she gave me some magical sunglasses that let me see in HD!

For when real life isn't vivid enough!

I guess that's all the new stuff I can find, I'm gonna go beat Richter again. Maybe my new shades will let me see the real final boss, maybe its Death, or maybe Dracu. . .

Holy Balls!

An entire new castle to explore! Hell Yes! This game is awesome!
Now THAT is what I’m talking about.

I think I need to go change my shorts.
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Truthfully, I never fully believed that Richter was the final boss. Something just didn't feel right after beating him. Everything, from the story to the gameplay seemed like it wasn't tied up; that there were too many loose ends. I don't know how gameplay has loose ends, but that's how it felt. But I had no idea that it would be an entire new castle to fight through. I think it was when I saw the castle materialize upside-down was the moment that I fell smack in love with Symphony of the Night.

My only two true complaints are:
When Richter is freed before the castle inverts, Alucard, Maria, and Richter stop to chat for a bit. For a fleeting moment, I thought that maybe I would be able to play through the new castle with the ability to switch between the three characters. Naturally, it didn’t turn out that way, but I think that would have been pretty cool.
Second, that ending credits song truly is terrible. Anything featuring the Saxophone in an extended solo shouldn’t be in the finale of a game called ‘Symphony of the Night.’ Or really, any game for that matter…