Currently Playing: BioShock

Late last night, after installing what seemed like an hour worth of updates to my PS3, I decided to fire up BioShock.


Everything I have heard, seen, read, or imagined about this game indicates that it has what it takes to be an instant classic for me. Dystopian Science Fiction is probably my favorite sub-genre in all of fiction. I love the inherent mystery of a society that has risen to greatness only to fall for some unknown reason. Additionally, I find Ayn Rand’s ideas of objectivism fascinating, albeit fundamentally flawed. Lastly, I love the style of the mid-50s: the architecture, cars, propaganda type posters, the suits. It’s all just so freaking cool.

Unfortunately, I have one huge problem with BioShock.

It’s a First Person Shooter.

And, I am the King of Suck when it comes to First Person Shooters

This depressing fact, by itself, is the reason I don’t own a 360, which thrives on its ever growing staple of fantastic FPS’s. Of my fairly sizeable gaming collection, I own maybe 10 games that could be classified as First Person Shooters – and three of those are the Metroid Prime series. (In contrast, I stopped counting how many RPGs I own once I hit 100).

Do you remember way back in the 80s, when people first played Super Mario Bros? Remember how the kids who didn’t own an NES (me) would jerk the controller up when trying to jump, or would lean their entire body to the right in an attempt to get Mario over a pit by shear force of will?

Yeah, remember that guy?

Well, I’m still that guy when it comes to FPS’s. Let’s say I’m playing an FPS and am currently hiding behind a corner. Because I (justifiably) doubt my skills to charge into the next room and quickly target the dude camping there waiting to blow my head off, I instead want to take a quick peek and maybe get some intel on the approximate location of my future executioner. But instead of strafing out, taking a look around, then returning to cover, I’m sitting in my living room, craning my neck to try and see around the corner.

3d Gaming at its finest

Sorry, noob, it doesn’t quite work that way. Maybe it will with the new 3DS, but as for now, I just look like an idiot. To be honest, even with a new fangled 3D system, I’d still look like an idiot.

Additionally, I get pretty bad headaches from playing almost all First Person and most Third Person games. Either my brain isn’t keen on being tricked into thinking it is in a 3-D environment or I’m susceptible to some sort of motion sickness. However, seeing that I spent nearly 3 years serving on probably the least stable ship in the entire United States Navy and never got seasick once, I think the former is most likely the case.

I’m not happy about this flaw in my character. I would love to be able to go on XBox Live and go toe to toe with the gaming world in Modern Warfare 2. But, the reality is that I wouldn’t make it more than five steps without learning where one of the respawn points is.

I do intend to finish BioShock and I promise not to let my lack of skill color my view of this game. It just may take me a few lives (read: hundreds) and a long, looooong, time.