Just Beat: The Legend of Zelda

Confession time.

I’m just going to come clean. 

I’m not a Zelda fan.  

I have no issue with the series, and the games from it that I play I generally like, I’m just not a fan.  I recognize that the franchise is a long and storied one that has had significant impact on both the video game community and industry.  I also acknowledge that the Zelda games (with the exception of the odd Philips CDi ones) are all viewed very favorably. 

Let's just forget this ever happened...

It’s just… I don’t know… I don’t dislike Zelda… It’s more that I never caught the fever.

See, growing up, I wasn’t allowed to own any sort of game system.  So, I was limited in my exposure to the NES library by what games my friends owned or rented.  I fondly remember playing Mario and Mario 3 at John’s house after freezing our asses off building snow forts in his front yard.  I remember my life forever changing the first time I tried (and failed miserably) to play Metroid at my cousin’s house – I even remember that she told me of the rumored ‘Justin Bailey’ code, but couldn’t get it to work because she kept entering it as ‘Justin Bates’.  

Spoiler Alert:  Doesn't do anything

Contra, Bubble Bobble, TMNT, Mega Man, Gradius - nearly every NES game that has since achieved ‘classic’ status holds at least a passing flash of nostalgia in my childhood memory banks. 

Every game, that is, except The Legend of Zelda.

I mean, I knew it existed.  I very vaguely remember seeing it once or twice, maybe on TV or in a store, but nothing that stands out.  I think the issue is that once I started getting consoles and owning my own games, I had already formed my nostalgia-based opinions of the oh-so-wonderful NES early years.  And, unfortunately, I missed the boat when it came to Zelda.

Having finally sat down to play it, my honest reaction is one of casual ambivalence.  However, looking back, I can say that I understand why the Legend of Zelda made such an impact.

Many of the games that began long-standing franchises did so, I believe, because they gave the player such an immense sense of accomplishment.  Metroid, Final Fantasy, Zelda – all had an element of the unknown, of starting an adventure completely lost, with no idea of what to do or where to go.  It was up to the player to take those first tentative steps and start exploring and when the player beat a dungeon or found a new item, it was a direct result of the player’s own work.  Whether it was through memorizing or drawing maps, lengthy trial and error process, continually getting lost, or through pure force of will; it was the player that won the day.  

These games were not easy.  There were no checkpoints, limited save locations (or horrendous password systems), primitive to non-existent maps, no indication of what items actually did, no internet to provide guides, and only questionable Nintendo Power articles and playground rumors to help you along your way.  Oh… and we were SIX YEARS OLD!  

Either the world is a gray rectangle, or that's one shitty map.

That’s why we asked to borrow our parent’s camera to take a blurry picture of the final end screen when we succeeded.  We had undergone a long grueling ordeal that tasked us beyond our physical and mental limits.  We were damn right to be proud.  We just beat the game.

When I play the Legend of Zelda today, I have all the requisite knowledge of every other Zelda game I have ever played.  I have years of experience and a finely tuned intuition of where to look for secrets and how to handle dungeons and bosses.  Additionally, there are things that I just flat out know.  I knew where to bomb to open up Gannon’s Lair.  I knew to try and go into the waterfall with the raft.  I knew where to look for hearts, to burn bushes in weird spots, to play the flute at the empty pond, to…

The point is, The Legend of Zelda posed very little in the way of challenge to me now; and as a result, beating it really didn’t have much of an impact on me.  However, had six-year old Steke beaten this game (along with the rest of humanity) when it first came out, my reaction wouldn’t be an ambivalent ‘oh yeah, The Legend of Zelda… it’s pretty good,’ but rather, ‘IT’S THE MOTHER F*CKING LEGEND OF ZELDA, SON!’

State of the Steke Address

My fellow gamers, heck yeah, I’m back!  I recently finished up the second of my collegiate degrees – again with little or no prospect of actually pursuing a career with said degree.  Now that that is over with we can get back to the important things in life:  Videogames, Lego, Running, Friends.  Awesome.

It’s been nearly a year since I last posted.  Ironically, it was a self-reflection post about getting my ass in gear and rejuvenating my passion for the things I like to do.  Well… then the final semester of an engineering degree took hold and doing things I like went out the window.

However I did play some games since last February and, much to my own surprise, most were pretty good.  That said – Time for the Rapid Fire Bonus Round

Round 1: StarCraft 2

I finally caved and bought it, then proceeded to easily sink about 200 hours into it.  I’ve beaten the campaign several times on the hardest setting and played on ladder for two or three seasons (I’m a pretty poor player, in most respects – mid to high silver at my best).

Needless to say, I love the game and still spend at least an hour a day either watching pro level casts or playing. 

Round 2:  Kirby’s Epic Yarn

Kirby is a nice title for the Wii with a very unique and original presentation.  While playing Epic Yarn, I was constantly marveling its creativity and outstanding level design.  At numerous points in the game I commented, ‘This is how you make a 2-D side scroller!’  My only complaint was the absence of challenge, as it is impossible to die and getting the various medals for each level is pretty stinking easy. 

Not exactly what you see everyday

Round 3:  Donkey Kong Country Returns

Fan-freaking-tastic!  I loved DKCR!  Throughout the entire game I was amazed at pretty much all of it.  I constantly commented, ‘Screw Kirby, now THIS is how you make a 2-D side scroller!’  The music, graphics, play control, challenge, everything was all top notch.  DKCR easily makes it high on my best games of all-time list.  Very awesome.

So effen' sweet!

 

Round 4:  Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception

Okay.  Let’s get this straight.  The Uncharted games are all really good.  They are fun, cinematic, challenging, and have a truly adventurous feel to them.  Uncharted 3 is no different.  Each of the different environments is exquisitely presented, vary dramatically from one another (and from previous games), and a blast to play.  However, I feel that the story linking each of the different set pieces lacked a certain… umph, and simply served to get us from one action scene to another.  Plus, I was very disappointed in the ending.  Seriously, I feel like I shot a rope and that was it – end of story.  I enjoyed playing Uncharted 3, but was left feeling a bit hungry.

Round 5:  Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow

This is the fourth of the metroidvania-style games I’ve played, and to be honest, is my least favorite.  It was fun and got me just as addicted as the others, but I didn’t quite dig the art style or feel that the ‘castle’ map was very intriguing.  I’d recommend it for fans of the series, but not to new-comers (I’d have them play Symphony of the Night – so awesome!).

Round 6:  Gaia Seed

Let me tell a bit of a story.  I love 2-D shooters.  It kills me that the genre is all but dead.  So, when I was reading Destructoid a while back and saw a mini-review of an old PS1 era Japanese 2-D shooter, I was intrigued.  When the reviewer stated that Gaia Seed, ‘was probably one of the best 2-D shooters ever..’ I was obsessed.  I hurried over to the PlayStation Store and the description of the game confirmed that Gaia Seed, ‘…is widely touted as one of the best side-scrolling shooters ever…’  Hurry up and take my money!

Then I played it.  Uh, what?  Am I missing something?  I beat the game on my second play-through, beat it on one credit on my third, and got the ‘good’ ending on my fifth (It took me to my fifth only because the game tricks you into getting the bad ending).  The graphics look like a late generation SNES game, the music is unremarkable, the power-up system is weak, and the levels lack challenge.  Maybe I’m missing something, but Gaia Seed is nowhere near the best shooter ever made.  This game, it kinda sucks.   

That's some serious epicness... for serious?

                                        

State of the Steke:

See, I do play games every once in a while!  Let’s take a look at the stats:

Games Owned:  329

Games Finished:  132

Percentage:  40.1%

Progress to Date:  Present, but not quite visible to the human eye

Self Reflection

I have a lot to do today.

I have a reinforced concrete design project due Monday.

I have a hydraulics assignment due Monday.

Both those classes have exams this week.

I have my Senior Design proposal due on Thursday.

I have jury duty on Friday, for which I will have to skip three classes.

I have Drill with the Navy Reserve next weekend.

Obviously the one or two people that may end up reading this don’t care what my schedule is like. Nor do they care about this blog, which has all but died. A one or two post per year blog is nothing to get excited about.

However, I am (for some inexplicable reason) overcome or inspired to say something today. I have not thought this out beforehand and do not really intend on editing it to ensure that it is my instinctive thoughts, nothing more, nothing less.

Two things have happened lately which culminated in this inspiration. The first event occurred while coaching cross country. The head coach brought in an article about goal setting, which encouraged runners to speak their goal and make it public. The simple act of making a goal public adds an element of seriousness to the undertaking at hand, it adds gravity, it makes you accountable for your actions, it adds credibility to the pursuit.

For the runners, we put a sheet of paper on the door to the small closet the cross country team uses as an ‘office.’ We call it 'The Vault' and it contains a small couch, an unplugged mini-fridge, a stereo from 1992, and serves more as a lost-and-found than anything else. The paper was taped to the outside of the door, not the inside. Anyone in the school that happened to walk by would be able to read what was written on it. At the top of the page, we wrote ‘Say it Loud’ and left the rest of it blank and gave no direction to our runners on what the purpose of the sheet was, they could use it how they saw fit.

Within a few days, it was filled with goals for the upcoming track season, with goals ranging all across the board. The kids had laid their goals out for the world to see. They had taken a huge risk and put themselves in a vulnerable and exposed position. The world (or at least anyone who cared to look) would know if they succeeded or failed. The world was now watching.

The second thing to happen to me was StarCraft 2. I actually don’t play StarCraft 2. I really, really want too, but I know that if I installed it on my PC, I would never get any work done. I know myself well enough to realize that it would have a severe impact on my grades, so I have resisted it. But this isn’t about playing StarCraft 2, it’s about watching it. I watch it more than I watch sports. I get drawn into the games, I cheer for my favorite players, and know more about the intricacies of the game than I do about basketball.

But the most impactful thing that has happened is that I started watching the Day[9] daily. On the surface the daily is merely a tactics and strategy analysis show (which naturally appeals to my experience as a Tactical Officer in the Navy). But Day[9] has much more than that going on. Yeah, he tells funny stories – especially about all his experiences with the opposite gender, all of whom seem to be named Felicity. And, yeah he is a pretty damn good gamer and tactician. But more so, his views on the process of learning and exploration and his general approach to life are pretty dang inspiring.

So, what does any of this mean?

I have no idea. As I said, I really haven’t thought through any of this yet, which for me is a pretty unusual thing. Part of me, I think, is jealous of people like the kids on the cross country team and Day[9]. These people are inspired enough with what they love to put themselves out there, to risk it all. I have several things I really love to do that I utterly am failing at. I don’t mean that I suck at them, I mean that I am failing in pursuing them. I love building with Lego (and am admittedly pretty damn good at it), but have probably only spent 10 hours in the past 3 months doing so. I love and have a diverse collection of really good video games that have never been played. But, I just play the same three or four games over and over with only a rare breaking out to play any of the numerous titles that have never even been turned on.

I simply feel that I am missing the passion and fire that I see on a daily basis from high school runners and an online StarCraft 2 strategist. However, rather than depress me, I have found the reverse to be true. I am finding myself inspired. Inspired to pursue my interests and engage in the art of learning. Day[9] has a motto for his show, ‘Where we learn to be a better gamer.’ I want to reengage my own efforts to learning to be a better me, to put myself out there in a vulnerable and exposed position, because only from that spot will I ever be able to excel.

Just Beat: New Super Mario Bros. Wii

My fellow gamers, I wish I had an excuse for my lack of activity on this esteemed publication that follows my path to gaming glory. The truth is that I have been… uh… distracted; distracted by life (which has been pretty treating me pretty awesome, I might add).

This does not mean that I haven’t been playing anything. I have beaten a couple of games and been playing another few pretty extensively. The two games I have beaten deserve more than just a quick gloss over, so each will (hopefully) get a full and equal treatment, so without further wasted words:

New Super Mario Bros Wii

Let me tell you what I remember.

I remember that a majority of my childhood was spent playing Super Mario Bros 3.

I also remember that SMB3 is easily on of my top ten games of all time. It's damn near the closest thing to perfection from the 8-bit era.

Given that New Super Mario Bros Wii is directly inspired by SMB3, I suppose I was the target audience. Additionally, the nostalgia that sold me the game might also be responsible for my reaction: I freaking love New Super Mario Bros Wii! (NSMBW? how is it the acronym is almost more cumbersome than the actual title?)

Here’s what I liked:

1) Classic Approach: SMB3 changed the Mario paradigm by not simply advancing the player level by level, but incorporating a sort of overworld. This allowed a player to choose their path, route around difficult levels, and find secrets and bonuses. NSMBW returned to this style, complete with Mushroom houses, bonuses, hidden paths, and varying routes.

2) Play Style: This is traditional Mario play style with innovative, creative, and flat out entertaining side scrolling levels. Simply put, I really enjoyed almost all the levels. Each was unique and reflected the respective theme of the world in which it was located. Additionally, there was plenty of familiar enemies and terrain, but each level also contained a healthy mix of new and just plain cool stuff. The best example of cool new shit is in World 8, the new lava and volcano based hazards are crazy… crazy awesome!

3) Airships: In the first world, I was a bit disappointed that it ended simply with a castle and lacked an airship battle, like in SMB3. However, this only made my excitement even greater when I discovered there were indeed airship levels (and they even had a sweet updated version of the original music)!

4) The Final Battle: I’m not going to spoil this one. If you’ve played it: you know what I’m talking about. I’ll simply say, I did not see that coming and it was Awesome!

5) Challenge: The game rewards you for finding all the star coins in each level and beating all the levels. The difficulty in accomplishing this varies on the level and your own personal standards. For the more difficult locations for star coins and secret levels, one can usually go to the Mushroom Kingdom Palace and watch one of the many hint videos, which are less like hints and more like flat out cheating. However, if you resist the urge to head to the videos for a coin you can’t find, the feeling of accomplishment can be very satisfying.

While I thoroughly enjoyed NSMBW, I did find some flaws in the game. Here’s what I didn’t like:

1) Challenge: NSMBW is easy. I mean really easy. I accumulated 99 lives by World 3 without even trying. Only a few levels in the game actually pose some sort of challenge, and those are mainly the bonus levels in World 9 (and of those... 9-7 is flat out brutal). But, the rest of the game is a relative cake walk. I don’t like how a vast majority of the challenge in NSMBW is wrapped up in the collection of star coins or finding the secret levels.

9-7, the exception to the 'too easy' complaint...

2) Power Ups: Most of the power-ups in NSMBW just plain suck. The propeller cap is so powerful it reduces 95% of all the levels to all kinds of easy. Meanwhile, the remaining power-ups are only useful for the specific areas for which they were designed. All I really want is a Racoon or Tanooki Suit and a Hammer Brothers Suit. Is that too much to ask? Oh, I would also have really liked to see a level or two sporting a goomba shoe. I loved that thing…

Oh, it's on now!

3) Multiplayer: Nintendo billed the four-player aspect of NSMBW as the primary feature, and honestly, it sucks. First, the mechanics of multiplayer just don’t seem… right. The way the characters interact and react to hitting each other seems way too loose and over exaggerated. I suppose if a dedicated group of people spent a ton of time planning and practicing, the result would be in some truly epic youtube videos. But, if you simply want to sit down and have some fun with friends for a few hours, go play Mortal Kombat or something.

4) Multiplayer, Again: Why am I stuck with Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Another Toad!? Seriously. With the massive wealth of characters available to choose from, why are we stuck with the lamest three choices in the entire Mario universe? Remember how Mario 2 sucked? Yeah, well at least they had four characters to choose from, each of which had a unique trait that distinguished them from the others. Why didn’t NSMBW follow that model? And don’t tell me it would ‘unbalance’ the game. This isn’t competitive, professional gaming. This isn’t Starcraft or Marvel vs Capcom, this is Mario. It’s already insanely easy, why not spice it up. Let me play as Peach. Yes, I know the point is to rescue Peach, but gloss that over with some convenient explanation and put her in the game. Or Daisy. Or, hell, let me play as Bowser. Or Yoshi. That would be interesting: Player One as Mario, Player Two as Yoshi. That could lead to some pretty inovative cooperation. At least make some of these characters unlockable. How about instead of getting gold stars (or even the glowing gold stars for doing a super good job…) for beating all the levels and getting star coins you get additional characters? That could be fun. The point is that Nintendo phoned in Multiplayer in virtually every respect. It sucks and I really don’t think I’ll ever play it again.

However, despite the flaws in NSMBW, I loved it. It was enough nostalgia mixed with some really awesome levels with creative and fun platforming. Yes, it wasn’t a big challenge. But it was a blast to play and kept my attention long enough to completely play through it twice in a row. And in my book, that’s the biggest complement a game can get.

Current State of the Steke:

Games Owned: 305
Games Finished: 121
Percentage: 39.7%
Progress to Date: Embarrassing

State of the Steke Address

My fellow gamers, first I would like to thank the two of you for reading this web-zone. Your patriotism to Steke the Geek is admirable, although likely misplaced. I am deeply regretful of my inability to post anything for the past quarter of a year. One of you may believe that it was a result of how bad Super Mario Bros 2 is. While the craptasticness of that poor excuse of a Mario game may have crushed a weaker gamer’s soul, rest assured that I survived and have moved on to better things.

It turns out that deciding, on a whim, to go back to college is taking a bit more of my time than I anticipated. As a result, gaming for this fiscal quarter has been down. However, some slight progress was made. So, let’s get to it! To save some time, we’re going into the Rapid-Fire Bonus Round!

Round 1: Soldner X and Soldner X-2

A long time ago there were these awesome games that we used to call shooters. This was before the host of crappy military/space-marine first person shooters stole that name for their own. No, this was when the 2-D, side-scrolling space shooter held the title. Unfortunately, this genre is all but dead. Occasionally, a new 2-D shooter crops up, but they are few and far between. And the ones we do get are all too often eastern bullet-hell imports that are essentially impossibly unless you happed to by Jimmy from The Wizard or Japanese.

Bullet Hell: I'd last 3 to 4 seconds; Japanese schoolgirls last 45 minutes, playing one handed while talking on their cell phones

Fortunately, for us non-Japanese, non-savant gamers, we’ve been given Solder X and its brilliantly named sequel Soldner X-2. Since this is the Rapid-Fire Bonus Round (RFBR?), here’s the quick and dirty:

A) These games are awesome
B) Yeah, they’ve got some glitches, but nothing you can’t overlook as they are independently produced games for dirt cheap.
C) The gameplay mechanic has greater depth than ‘just hold down the fire button,’ which leads to a surprising amount of strategy and requires a little bit of forethought
D) Soldner X-2 is a game with ‘X-2’ in the title that I actually want to play

And one I do NOT want to play

E) They are graphically stunning, with lots of pretty colors
F) The Challenge Mode in X-2 is addictive, time consuming, and tons of fun
G) Did I mention these games are awesome?

Yeah, so I liked them.

Round 2: Vanquish

For some reason, Vanquish appealed to me when I saw the initial previews. It completely isn’t my type of game: third person shooter, standard cover mechanic, Gears of War clone in a Halo type setting. It’s all very, um, average. It wasn’t necessarily bad and I had fun… it was just rather unremarkable. The only thing that sort of sets it apart from the other bajillion games just like it is the suit mechanic. Your suit has several unique features that can greatly aid you in battle. Most notably is the ability to go into matrix style bullet time, which actually allows me to aim somewhat effectively (because otherwise, I can’t hit shit). A futuristic action game with a bad-ass protagonist in an awesome suit? Yeah that reminds me of something else I would rather play…

Hint: It starts with 'M' and ends with 'etroid'

Round 3: Muramasa: The Demon Blade

I love Muramasa. Everything about this game oozes style. The beautiful watercolor style graphics, the distinctly Japanese character and level design, the sub-titled and not-dubbed over Japanese voice acting; everything adds to an overall world in which the player can truly become lost.

Style...

There are two different story arcs to play through each with unique main characters and sets of weaponry. This adds a nice bit of replayability, but beyond an additional difficulty level unlocked upon beating the game and optional Monster Lair battles, there isn't a lot gameplay-wise to bring a player back. What will bring me back for future playthroughs is the presentation. Yeah, the game is fun, but the shear awesomeness of the game's style creates an overall experience that makes me want to replay it.

Even More Style...

Round 4: Mortal Kombat

One reviewer of Mortal Kombat mentioned that no one seems to be able to review the game without reflecting on their own personal history with the series. I don’t think I can break that pattern. I essentially grew up playing MK 1 through 3. I followed the mythology and read the strategy guides. I loved the series and that affair culminated with MK3. Patrick Curtis and I used to rage against each other in MK 3 on his Sega Genesis all those years ago. Smoke and Sub-Zero were our main guys and we would go head to head for hours.

While the past-Steke I just described is who this game is made for, the true genius behind Mortal Kombat is how accessible it is for newcomers. MK virgins don’t have to worry about not knowing the moves: in-game tutorials; the availability of move lists in the pause menu; and the switching of primary characters in the story and challenge modes all combine to give a comprehensive introduction to the game mechanics. Additionally, the story mode (in a fighting game!? and it's actually good!?) cleverly retells the story arc of MK 1 through 3. This eliminates the burden of trying to understand the increasingly convoluted mess that became of the MK storyline through the later games. For us old-schoolers, the new story has plenty of nods and connections to the previous games, which makes me very happy.

Soooooo Awesome!

The total package for Mortal Kombat is incredible. The story mode is challenging and takes maybe ten or so hours to beat, there is standard arcade ladders (like traditional fighting games), 2v2 matches are now included (and implemented very well, not just a throwaway add-in), the challenge mode is a 200 level tower with a ton of variety, there are numerous unlockables (of which most are worthless, except for the alternate costumes and additional fatalities), and the online component is implemented better than every other fighting game I’ve played.

So, I guess you could say I liked it.

And that brings us to the end of the Rapid-Fire Bonus Round. Some good games have been played, and all of them way better than Mario 2. I suppose that my faith in humanity has been somewhat restored.

State of the Steke:

From now on, I’d like to finish every gaming post with the State of the Steke. This is just a quick breakdown of my games owned to games beaten. After all, the whole point of this (pointless) blog is for it to track the journey through my very substantial backlog of games.

Games Owned: 303
Games Finished: 120
Percentage: 39.6%
Progress to Date: Abysmal

Just Beat: Mario 2

This game sucks and I hate it. End of story.

Well, to be fair, there are exactly three awesome things about this game.

1. The underground music is awesome.

2. The end boss music is awesome.

3. The fact that I never have to play this game again is awesome.

Currently Playing: Super Mario Bros. 2

Throughout the storied and diverse history of Mario games and his numerous spinoffs, there certainly is a wealth of fantastic games. Few would argue with the supremacy of Mario 3 near the top of all-time greats. Additionally, there are lots of games that don’t quite fit the standard Mario mold: there’s Super Mario Sunshine, or Yoshi’s Island or, heck, Dr. Mario or Mario Kart. These are good games for sure, they just are Mario’s stepchildren from that ‘other’ marriage; the ones the courts say he has to include as part of his lineage and pay monthly child support to.

Then there is Mario 2.



If Sunshine is Mario’s stepchild, then Mario 2 is the incoherent drunkard on Jerry Springer who is trying to find out who his real father actually is, then ends up throwing a chair at Kid Icarus.

'E's Yer Beby!'

Honestly, I’m surprised that Mario (and Nintendo) weathered this disaster with such grace. Then again, I only vaguely remember Mario 2 from my youth. I mean Matt, the spoiled, only-child who lived down the street, had it. But I only remember actually playing it once… and I thought it sucked, and this was before we used even knew what ‘sucked’ meant.

Mario 2... sucks?

No, for my friends (and everyone I knew in general), Mario 2 was simply never mentioned. We went straight from Mario to Mario 3 (and what a glorious leap that was) and left the second installment by the wayside.

Even when I finally got the game from a thrift store, or garage sale, or other such used-goods emporium, I never played it. I felt it necessary to own, but never bothered to actually play it… until now.

And now I know why.

This game flat out sucks, and I hate it.

Yes, I know that I already said that. Hey, I’m an unoriginal bastard. But the reason, I said it again, is because I say that exact same line numerous times whenever playing the game… because it sucks, and I hate it.

Alright, alright, I know the game actually received strong reviews and was the third best selling NES game (thanks, Wikipedia!), but that doesn’t change how I feel about it (Spoiler Alert: it sucks and I hate it).

And here’s why.

1. Play control is balls. Control of your character is very ‘floaty.’ No, I don’t mean how Luigi and Peach have an inherent float in their jumps; I mean the inertia of your character lags. It’s like being in an Ice World in any other game: you slide all over the place. This game is difficult, not because of tricky platforming (I’m looking at you Lost Levels) or because of challenging bosses, but because the controls are down right atrocious.

2. It’s buggy as hell. Enemies have the tendency to vanish, for no reason. Sometimes, I’ll go to jump on the top of a wall and I’ll land on the side of it just below the top.
Other times, I’ll do a blind jump to a platform that I know is there, only to find that this time, the game decided to not include it, just to remind me that I hate it. This just scratches the surface, I challenge anyone to play through a game of Mario 2 and not experience some sort of glitch or bug. It’s ridiculous.

3. Mario 2 looks like crap. The levels, graphics, and visuals are generic and boring. And what’s with the whales in the Ice World? They look more like building blocks that spout radiator fluid than whales. Oh, I know it’s supposed to be a dream world and everything, but what the hell is this shit? I walk into a bird mouth at the end of each level? Uh, what? I mean, this is supposed to be a Dream World, why not go all out? Make this thing crazy. Make it way out there. Get freaking creative. This isn’t a dream world, it’s bland world. If this wasn’t the 8-bit era, the entire thing probably would have been rendered in five shades of beige.

Who knew that Mario 2 had its own Exit

I can’t wait to beat this shit and get it over with. I’ve been playing maybe a run-through a day for about a week and can now consistently get to the final boss, so it’s just a matter of time. I want to put Mario 2 behind me and never look back.

This game seriously sucks and I hate it.